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It must be the heat. Over the last couple of weeks, I have not had one decent thought cross my mind to put into words. With work, projects, training and just stuff, I have been in a dead zone in creativity.

One thing recently has made me think. Relationships. We all in one way or another have some kind of bond or desire to be a part of something. When I speak of relationships, I don’t mean finding a soul mate or a spouse or even a significant other. When I think of relationships, family and friends come to mind.

The family relationship is quite simplistic. You cannot pick your blood relatives, so there is no reason to waste energy on thinking anything else. You deal with their ups and downs. You are part of that dichotomy and as the old saying goes, “you can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family”. They are as much a part of you as you are a part of them. If you think otherwise, you’re kidding yourself.

Picking your friends though is one thing you can do. We all have different reasons for gravitating towards someone. Common interest, their energy they give off, how they make you feel, selfish motivation or even to make another jealous are just a few. These reasons are all over the place and there are hundreds more reasons, which only you know why you are friends with certain individuals who share this round ball we call Earth with.

The definition of “friend” is:

friend

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

Excluding Number 5 for most of us, I believe we can look at our circle and categorize each one of our friends into these definitions. I know throughout my life I have had people that fit into 1 through 4. There are people who that are in my life that have been in my life for quite some time fall into #1. There are people who have recently moved into this category and will stay there. There are people who have come and gone when I have supported a cause as they have and that relationship is based off the “act” than the affection for that such person. There are people who continually weave in and out of my life currently for years that are not my enemy and I wish them no harm, but my wife or another friend may have a relationship that fits into their #1 category but never mine. Moreover, the last one, we all should share a bound with is the people who share our ideologies, religious beliefs or political affiliation. That is why most politicians or preachers start their speeches with, “My Friends…”

Let’s talk about #1 & #2. I believe throughout our adolescents and adulthood these are the “friends” we come in contact most often. We have good times with them and we have bad times with them. We sometimes confuse the two definitions and try to pull one into the other. Which is a natural progression of life, to want friends, to want to be wanted and liked. Nevertheless, once one friend moves into another category we find out that they are not exactly the person who we knew.

The “friend” is not as friendly or in some cases too friendly or “needy” for our tastes. There are times when the friends that are in one category, #1, change or we realize after sometime that they are not the type of person we want in #1 or should never have been there. They belong more in #3. You find out that they are not a true friend. A friend who likes you, sticks up for you, doesn’t hurt you, is there for you and is not there for you when you need them most. Friends who don’t judge you, or continually break their word to you. They are not “hostile” towards you and you like them as a friend, but a true friend? It is hard to move them because in their mind you are their category 1 friend. There are even friends who are in category 3 who try to wedge themselves in between you and your category 1 friends. It may be because they want everyone to be happy or they do not. Category 1 friends have strong bounds and even “the Wedge” cannot split the connection you have or are developing.

A true friend does not “want” your friendship and does not take for granted your friendship. A true friend wants nothing from you, except for you to be you. That is why you are their friend.

As I age and become wiser with this age, I know a true friend when I see it. I do not believe you measure the amount of friends by your status number of friends on Facebook. I do not see the reason to have “tons of friends” in your #1 category. You don’t have tons of dogs or cats either, do you? Well..? If you think about it a person with tons of anything, cats for instance, what do you call them? Are having that many friends like having a hoard of cats any different? It seems like we gather “tons” of stuff in our lives if they are friends, pets, clothes, shoes, whatever, to what? Make us happy? If that is true then why do we only have one spouse? Why not tons of spouses? In this theory it would make us all happier, right?

I may be off and I am not trying to offend anyone, especially my friends. However, for me, having a few select individuals that I can continuously count on through the good times and more importantly the bad times is all I need. What is this number? There is not one, but when I cannot be there for my friend who needs me because I am stretched thin, then I have too many.

I enjoy the company of all people who fit into Webster definition of “friend”. This is how as a human we thrive and makes us better people. A better person breeds better people. When there are, better people in this World we live in then one of them may just become a friend who fits into category #1 in your life.